DO IT!!! IT MUST BE FATE THAT I GAVE YOU THAT CONDOM!!!!
I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
Dude I pulled down his pants and he already had a condom on
just got double teamed by two guys I will be on beach patrol with this summer. six months until the season starts and I'm already 'that girl.'
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
I almost puked on my graduation application. perfect.
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
he fucked me while wearing his "Reagan Bush '84" tank and my inner democrat has never been more disappointed
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
First time not coming to this class high in a month and a half, never again will i put myself thru this torture
Randomize
