i met him on craigslist. and no i'm not a hooker.
you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
so as we were driving to pick up my grandma from old navy she procedes to yell into our open window.. "I'll make ya holla fo a dolla" umm...
5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
I'm full of awesome ideas
Yesss you are. Im full of confusion. I keep finding peanut butter on my legs...
She saved the condom from the first time we did it.
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
Do you have a moment to talk about our lord and savior, Kendra's boobs?
I know he’s a bad decision but he's casual, his penis is amazing and his technique is on point.
Nothing says you made great Saturday night choices like someone's dick that you don't remember, poking you in the ass Sunday morning.
I hate that I still want him to look at me as the vagina that got away.
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
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