3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
I am going to be the most sexually active ladybug that he has ever seen
im giving 12 year olds life advice. this is probably illegal somewhere.
That's ok. Our relationship has a solid foundation of booze and questionable behavior.
Ran into my prostitute at Costco yesterday. She was with her boyfriend, I was with my kids. Awwwwkward.
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
So he ended up throwing a watermelon that he stole from the cafeteria saying "if i cant have it no one can" of the 5th floor.
JUST MADE A FLAMING SLED. MIGHT HAVE 3RD DEGREE BURNS.
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
I'm going through a really dark time right now
I don't want to hear it man. I just jerked it to a pic of my ex wife in a bikini. Buck up
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
If I show up to the mall alone looking like I do to purchase a vibrator and some Japanese food, I would judge me too.
Dude of course I want to. Your penis is beautiful.
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
Clearly the Stanley Cup Finals good luck hand job IS necessary. You let the whole team down.
Randomize
