I thidmdmk you'gre a special person
But i did once see a show where a women was homeless and installed a stove in a school bus so she and her baby could live there since all the seats were taken out. As far as being homeless goes it didn't look half bad...So this is me promising to you that if i ever am living in an abandoned school bus...i will at least pimp it out with a stove so you can come over for dinner sometimes
I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
My financial advisor pointed out that 37% of my income is currently going towards "non-essential food items"
That's banker lingo for "you're an alcoholic"
Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
Also I've come to learn that "type" and "fetish" are different things. Apologies for earlier confusion.
i puked in the 2nd best shower and the couple fucking in the 1st didnt even pause so you might wanna hold off on that for a while
We had sex six times. In a span of 8 hours. Confirmation I don't need to go to the gym.
Only thing that feels right is being horizontal in the fetal position
My mother just set me up with the son of the man I fucked last weekend. I could crawl under a rock and die OR I could remember the rules of genetics and hope that JR takes after daddy. Wish me luck...
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