she looked like the bat from fern gully.
Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
yeah i fucked her in the storage room on the inflatable mattress. i don't know if i should feel proud for me or bad for her.
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
I don't even know why im sitting in this office eating a poptart.
I don't know how I'm going to know it's her, I only know what she looks like with a wig on
SHE COULD ALREADY BE HERE AND I WOULDN'T EVEN KNOW
Im at that shitty point in my day where I start planning night activities while finger dipping vyvance off of my desk, you got any plans?
In light of this week's heat-wave, we are having a house vote tonight on the temporary suspension of the "no smoking indoors" clause. Please bring your voting cards to the living room at 6:30pm
Point of Clarification: by "voting card" we mean a full beer and/or shots
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
yes, i'm a douce. but i'm a high quality douche.
Sorry about the confusion with the nudes last night that was rude
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
Randomize
