I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
I can't, I'm busy. I've been walking around Tokyo on google maps for an hour.
white trash bash was a total success...cops shut it down twice and her hair stayed in rollers all night..she never broke character
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
I feel like despite his sleaziness I could be friends with this man. he just sent me a picture of his dog's balls.
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
I've started drunk signing up for 5ks. Who even does that?
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
Either it didn’t do much damage or I’ve lost all feeling in my asshole
Can I send you a random dick pic? It's got a lightsaber tattoo
Randomize
