After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.
I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
his genitalia just looks like a thumbs up. a really really small thumbs up.
I don't know how but I have our hotel room door handle in my purse... this can not be good
Please please please tell me that is not a pringles container full of pee that your little brother just got a hold of.....
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
I'm proud of you, you were pretty classy last night, you didn't puke AND you didn't take off your shirt, except for those two times in the corner.
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
I think I have to break up with him. I just cried, not moaned, screamed, etc, cried, with tears of sadness and disappointment when I came.
It's because of weed that I don't mind driving an hour to visit my family. And it's because of you that there's weed in my life. Thank you.
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
What happened?
New Orleans
Every time
Yes. I masterbate to Harry Potter. It's what our generation does.
He gave me a box of cheez-its after sex, does that make me a hooker?
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
Randomize
