Im holding a competition......who saw me last, and who knows how my nose got bruised? you earn points for answering either question. and for bringing me water.
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
he is like the poster child for std's. god i hope he meets a girl with teeth in her vag. that would serve him right
Don't remember shit. It was only until I saw the glaze on my forearm that I knew you drove to get donuts last night. I also spent 20$ there apparently
you looked at her and told her she looks like the girl you lost your virginity to then told her you wanted to lose it to her again
My meds have diminished my sex drive, this must be what regular women feel like
If I don't survive tonitght I would like to thank you for the ricekrispy treats. I am majestic
so my mom thinks I'm picking you up just to go buy you liquor before you go back to school tomorrow...
I'm ashamed that your mom thinks I haven't already taken care of that.
Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
I'm trying to find some better sex background music so his neighbors don't hate us. This is tedious.
This whole thing is fucking bullshit. I should be wasting all my hard-earned money at Planet Con this weekend but NOOOOOOOOO. Now I'll never get Roy Thomas to sign my comic
Imagine we only get one cock for the rest of your life. I’d pick his dick. That good!
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