i feel rough
just turned on the light, there is blood EVERYWHERE.
i took an adderall last night to write a paper. i ended up watching 7 hours of roseanne and couldn't look away
We tried having a conversation with our noses.
For once I'm glad there wasn't morning sex. Yes, that sore from the night before.
he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
Pretty sure I just became the first person ever to use the word "boner" in a wedding card...
If we go out with the 22/23 year olds we should make t a double date. I don't want to endure the judging looks of the public as I rob the cradle alone.
Dude, jerking off when you're all hopped up on pre workout energy supplements has got to be the greatest thing I've ever done.
Yes I slept with him, he was the only one not wearing a costume. Guys with costumes are just trying to impress you.
Also I've decided that I'm buying the next friend of mine who is dumb enough to get married a live porcupine as a wedding present.
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
Now that mom and dad sold the camper, do you think it's okay to talk about all the sex I had in it?
So from zero to dumpster fire, how shitty do you feel this morning? I'm hovering somewhere around trainwreck.
Amazon is not showing any promising results for penis tree toppers and I am genuinely surprised. Clearly this is a market that needs to be addressed.
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
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