she's in the bathroom throwing up right now...what is the hookup protocol after she is done? what all can I do with her?
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
Warning: at some point today you will probably see several pics of me 69-ing a blow up turtle show up on facebook. Just disregard them.
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
Watched twin sisters make out thought it was amazing sick on their part but legit to watch
I just almost puked & then I panicked and forced it back down because I thought I would be a waste of the apple turnover I ate.. I'm that hungover
Omg I can't even...
My goal for the weekend: procure a blowjob using only stern glances, hand gestures, and crudely-drawn stick figures.
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
WAIT MOM THIS DOESNT NEED TO BE A FAMILY EVENT OK AARON DOESNT NEED TO BE AROUND FOR NIPPLEGATE 2014
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
Randomize
