dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
The Mole People would help. They are a kind, helpful people, the Mole People are.
Mole people?
Mole people
I feel like parents watching our children. You want to step in and help them but you just have to let them make their mistakes
Yeah man... I ordered donuts, drank wine, and cried to a movie with Seth Rogen in it. Do you really think I have my shit together?
So basically he is jobless, a potential serial killer, and has poor taste in music? We simply don't have time for that.
I can't remember what I did last night, but judging from the state of my hair I had a pretty good time.
it was the kind of sex that I don't even know how my hair extentions are still in
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
Will you PLEASE get your mom to stop telling me I'd make a great husband? She knows I'm gay, right?!
I know, but she really likes you. Have you met my brother yet?
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