Raging hang over. 6AM finish. Shat on a bag of trash in an alley. D L that last bit.
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
Fyi: beer caps are stronger then bathroom counters
It's like all my brain cells are screaming at me.
I'm dying.
Just so you know, a 6'7" tall gay man, with a martini in one hand and a fairy wand in the other, is not a force to be reckoned with...don't ask.
And apparently i asked another younger guy at the bar if he wanted his bud light pumped straight into his vag. As i put back an irish car bomb...
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
yeah well, its not like my astrogynecology class is teaching me what i need to know
im almost 90% sure there is no such thing as astrogynecology.
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
Randomize
