Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
And then he came out of the bathroom in a kimono
we're all still whores. we just have a theme song now.
Are my feet made of real feet?
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
Hey, i turned the toilet into a water fountain. Drink up.
You can't play that off as role play thing. You held my hips and kept yelling "put a baby in me!" That shit ain't cool.
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
sending my old camp counselor nudes. childhood memory win or new low?
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
Randomize
