sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
It's pitch dark except for the glow sticks, someone turned the heat up as high as it would go and the bathroom is flooded. Also think I just stepped on someone's face.
Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
One time she made a chronological chart for the guys she has given blow jobs to, I shit you not.
I bought new panties to console myself ... you know, because I am going to lose my ovaries. Well, if I don't die of a heart attack first. But at least when the EMS folks find me, I'll be finely dressed from the waist down.
dude...i punched my best friend in the face, broke up with my girlfriend, and shit my pants.......now i don't know which one to take care of first.
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
Anyone would get lost in that field after that much vodka. Trust me... I kind of feel like superman considering I even made it home. Most people would've been face down in a random oilfield. Not this guy.
If my one night stand asked me to move in with him right after does it still count as a one nighter?
Randomize
