Holy shit! This guy had his hands and feet handcuffed and was scooting across the interstate and we almost hit him because it was so dark. I hate Louisiana.
Now that the olympics are over we have no excuse for getting belligerently drunk for nationalism every night.
Downstairs neighbor just asked me to tell people when they jump off the balcony next time not to land on her flowers
As long as you don't die I'm in full support of your drinking decisions
well judging by the amount of dired blood around my nipple rings i'm gonna assume it was a good night
Trying to figure out when's a good time to take acid and not tell anyone and see how long it takes people to notice
I think I may have accidentally stepped in fire
Me and two guys that I made Eskimo bros all soberly slept together in my bed
He is so pussy whipped she has made him change his name to Toby
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
I went 670% over budget on my vacation. My accountant would flip if he weren't me.
How the fuck do you have so much free time?
Polyphasic sleep schedule.
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
I didn't want him to hear me sneaking in. The doggie door was the perfect solution.
sitting in the prison waiting room in my boyfriends clothes. looooong story.
I always want to see you. Honestly my only hesitation is that my ass is still kind of sore from Sunday 🥺
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