he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
i walked into the first stall,, but there was no paper, so i'm in the other one. a little kid is in the one without paper now and is making a lot of noise. curious how this'll turn out for him.
at least franzia made me throw up pretty colors.
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
More cowboy butts than you can shake a stick at, oh joy.
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
Oh boy I hope we come out of this alive. And with clean prison records
It's only just- an eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth, a nude for a nude
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
There's something empowering about being at dinner and sitting across the table from two men you've blown.
Oh yeah, nothing says welcome home like walking in on your parents having sex on your bed while the dog is watching, they told me to wait until they were done...
He fucked the hangover right out of me. That good.
Randomize
