I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
Theres a midget tsa agent. Just an observation
Rosemary is literally sitting on the ground holding on to the rug because she thinks she is going to fall if she lets go. We smoked way too much.
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
Had sex in a blanket fort. How was your weekend?
I feel like my life just hangs in the balance of "Yeah I'm probably not doing this right"
We are bad people. This is why we are friends. <3
Hot fire fighters installing my closet. Don't know how to go about this. Gonna nonchalantly take my shirt off and see what happens..
Randomize
