Hi, this is ****, we hooked up a few weeks ago. I was wondering, do you have any STDs?
He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
of all places to pass out....why right in front of our RA's door? OF ALL PLACES.
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
We tried to break her futon, I crushed my balls instead. You have one less reason to be jealous that my balls are insanely huge and yours are not.
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
Currently sitting in the movie theatre bathroom while she gives him a blowjob in the parking lot. Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend.
Guess who was PASSED OUT ON A BMW. I shit you not
Stop it right now
This time face forward
We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
Helmets.
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
Do you think it's my receding hair line that makes all the milfs attracted to me??
Randomize
