hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
She sucked my dick when I had a concussion. It was the coolest feeling ever but the doctor said it was a bad idea. He's obviously gay.
Went to get my tattoo today. Found out the piercing girl is bi. I may just get my nipples done to get hit on tomorrow. Confidence is low these days.
Holy christ fuck what has my trainwreck of a life come to just blew a 17 year old so help me god
My Mom printed off all of my Augusts text messages. Apparently I've been drinking WAY too much and having an intermediate drug problem. I have to go home everyw weekend for the rest of the semester
He titled his birthday party on facebook, "BJ's in PJ's- an adult slumber party." I'm the only one invited.
We used the solo cup bag for her hair tie. Desperate times call for desperate measures.
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
did you just take a shot to penises and friendship?
well one of us has to be wrong and it's not going to be me
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
Randomize
