Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
you dont publicly announce someones alcholism over facebook. you dont out someone like that.
Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
We need a full length mirror. I just ate it trying to look at my shoes on the toilet. But aside from a arm bruise I'm good to go
You've discovered your super power: Your Vagina
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
All I remember is you shouting "THIS KID IS A FREAKIN' NINJA!!" when he dive rolled over a barbed wire fence and proceeded to ask for his 18th beer.
true. but still. you know how big of a sucker i am for a penis and a pretty face.
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