WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
been sitting in chapter for 25 minutes. drinking last night's franzia out of a XXX vitamin water 10 bottle. recruitment chair has no idea. life is good.
I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
I just accidentally stumbled into an AA meeting...I think its a sign
It's like being the highest you've ever been, then doing about 20 shots, and chasing them with lines of coke. All while laying on the surface of the sun.
bro i dont care how hot she was, you try keeping it up with the amount of puppet he had in her room, it was like fucking in jeff dunham's house
I now have a full length bright red cape in my possession. Best sex trophy ever.
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
okay, but you can't tell anyone. Every time he instagrams something with the caption "avocado," it means he's booty calling me. Happy?
HE PUT A HOLE. IN. MY. HOUSE!!!
i read his ps3 instant messaging thing... he's meeting a guy to have sex. i think your boyfriend's gay
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
People probably think I’m a fangirl bc I go to so many shows but it’s really bc I like fucking the tour manager
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