Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
I don't know what happened last night but I woke up this morning with "wolf pack" tattooed on my knuckles.
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
Dont forget about the tuna sandwich behind your TV
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
we are still finding bottels filled with his pee. tom almost drank the one in the frig
I am going to borrow your water/shock proof video camera for St. Pattys day so that if wake up next to the highway again I know why.
Ok but I hold the right to any footage of you getting slapped, puking, anything with body shots, and allowed to make a montage of it to put on youtube.
Watching frozen planet. There's a beach master sea lion with about 50 sea lion bitches fighting another sea lion for said bitches. It's a bloody battle. Dude. You have over 50. Share.
I have seriously seen way too may DIY cut off jean booty shorts and half shirts on fat girls this summer. Fuck you Pinterest.
Although a guy bought me a shot of fireball last wknd and I told him he wouldn't even get half a handjob for that and walked away so don't tell me I don't have standards
THEY HAVE BEEN GOING AT IT FOR 2 HOURS AND I HEAR THEM BANGING THIS IS BULLSHIT
Grrr. Fine. You get oral for being unwrong.
THERE IS WATER LITERALLY DRIPPING OFF OF THE CHANDELIER. I OFFICIALLY HAVE THE WORLD'S WORST RAINFALL SHOWER HEAD.
Randomize
