he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
just read twilight to her over the phone, while in the bathtub, candlelight...i'd love to say no homo but that was so gay.
I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
I'll always be here to give you immoral support.
you don't know true fear until you are a convinced that velociraptors are trying to kill you through your roof.
Remember when we had a keg, and then another 5 cases... and like 30 people drank it all?
Everything hurts.
I screamed "I want dick!" in the middle of the intersection. So many hot guys. I wish you were here.
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
I think we've gotten passed awkward... the day I woke up at the palms and ur getting eaten out by the dude who just fucked me on the balcony.
And you know what the worst part is? Because of him I can now relate to a goddamn Taylor Swift song. FUCK. MY. LIFE.
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
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