based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
Just saw a guy from Kansas and a guy from Nebraska arguing over who had less of an accent. God Bless the Midwest.
while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
I want to bury your face in my vagina. Possibly by force. I will try not to suffocate you though.
Everything tastes like hotdogs and shame.
I'm promoting my liver to CEO of my body cause it clearly works harder than anything else.
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
As long as you keep bringing fries home, i'll keep being naked when you get home
I lick assholes and I wouldn't eat mdma
DAMN HIS BEARD AND ABILITY TO USE TOOLS ON A LADDER!!
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
Randomize
