I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
Same here... Well I was planning on having some sort of deep conversation, but looking at how grim of an outlook tomorrow has on you, I'll just re-inform you that I have your pants.
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
Well he has that kind of carefree attitude that comes from a big penis
I dont even remember coming home... All my stuff is strewn randomly around my apartment... And I woke up at 5 sitting propped up in my bed with just my arm in a shirt
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
So it finally happened last night... I re-met someone that i've already had sex with. Had no idea who he was. Fantastic
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
I opened the door and his girlfriend was standing there; we made silent, prolonged eye contact as I quietly put on my panties and left.
I just masturbated to the thought of him straight up talking to me. to us having a conversation. What the hell.
Vasectomy results are in. No swimmers in the water. REPEAT. No swimmers in the water. Come help me harness my new found super-power
It's times when I'm naked but also want to be platonically social that I miss you the most.
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
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