I'm really into asian looking animals
My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
doing a walk of shame covered in blue food coloring is only embarrassing if you make it embarrassing...actually no its embarrassing on all accounts
When the doctor said the anal leakage might not be reversible without some lifestyle changes you start asking if it's worth the entertainment value.
Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out
Irrelevant. Does he have queso? That's the real question.
Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me.
I whipped my shit out and she just stared at it with a mean face. It was like a face off in a heavyweight boxing fight.
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
BING! You are now free to move about my panties. He just left for work.
When he texted me, I got a little wet. Until he asked me to get Jimmy Johns before I got to his house.
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
he threw his shirt and suit jacket out the window of the uber going home
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
Randomize
