so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
i felt horrible..i wanted to somehow give him his vcard back
that's a non refundable transaction sweetheart
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
If I wanted to fuck someone, I'd go for John. I'm meeting Bryan cuz I wanna get to know him better. And eventually fuck him. But not this Tuesday.
i just kept saying he was red & i was blue and we couldnt become purple. I started crying at one point
See! Theres potential!
Oh yeah. All good relationships start with a threesome.
I'll be thirty in eight months. I think my goal is too stop changing my pants in the parking lot at work by then.
Some dudes just stopped and stared at me peeing in the street for like 5mins, and I yelled HEY. HEY. WANT ME TO SHIT IN YOUR MOUTH? I'LL SHIT ON YOUR CHEST FOR FIVE DOLLARS, PAPI
this is why i love drunk you
Just so were clear your wife is cut off from my dick.
I asked him if we were going to get arrested for doing it in the bar parking lot. "Absolutly not" said the guy getting the blow job...
whoa whoa whoa, you're saying I shouldn't post pics of you balls deep in a southern hottie?
He told me that when he bends me over that chair I remind him of a bull rider. So thanks for being the ex that helps my present sex life
You don't get to call me bro after you've had your dick in me.
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
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