WHY CAN'T YOU EVER SHIT LIKE A NORMAL PERSON, JESSE.
The sex toys I ordered are being shipped to my billing address instead of shipping address. Take a guess where they're on their way to right now - my parents' house. And the package has to be signed for so there's no way around it. Fuck.
Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
He doesn't fuck you and he's married, why do you keep letting him cum all over your stomach?
In the hopes he'll just put it in one day?
GOOD NIGHT DREAM OF ALCOHOL SNO CONES
EARTHQUAKE STATUS DRINKING GAME
Did a bunch of gravity bongs and am watched hours of Frozen Planet. There is nothing in the world I want more than to hug a polar bear.
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
I'n not even sure we went out, but I know we broke into a cemetery.
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
He kept saying "Welcome to Indianapolis" over and over while we were having sex...because that's his hometown. I was scared and confused... I didn't know if I should have said thank you or what.
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
Randomize
