I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
You threw an open can of pop at me while I was lying on the floor babbling and drooling about how I need to be alone forever, me and my leaking face.
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
So. Do you think marshmallow vodka in hot chocolate while eating a graham cracker would = s'mores?
In some strange universe, yes
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
Facebook is for cat videos and having better lives than people from high school, period.
Hopefully he gets to dig deep into my body, before he digs deep into my past ..
He just blew a .079. Jesus loves him THAT much.
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