neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
Id like to know where dora the explorers parents are when she goes on all these crazy ass adventures
he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
Even tho I saw his penis. He is still a really nice guy.
I had a dream last night that you and me were eating cheesecake and according to my FATHER I was moaning really loud in my sleep. I seriously have issues.
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
It was the scariest thing ever having a flame that close to my balls...
so do you remember taking your shirt off and just standing in your bra at the bar or no?
Randomize
