Damn I can't remmbre the last tome I had sobr sex
Um. I believe with my boyfriend, slut
Fuck. Wron person. But yea
I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
She said she didn't want to have sex because she was so torn up about "this whole NBC thing."
He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
How can I explain how nice he is to you? ...like, I'm going to have to have my world famous why being a douche is sexy talk.
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
This was the first time I've ever pushed myself until I vomited. Sorry, random couple laying on a dock at 8:30am. I would have picked a better spot so you didn't have to watch/listen to me vomit, but you guys were being MAD quiet. I had no idea you were there.
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
No it's like. I don't respect you. And I think you're a terrible person but. I still wanna bone it out.
Well you could have stayed home, played house and got blow jobs all weekend babe, but we all have to live with our decision
Because you put the dick in ridiculously amazing boyfriend. And you deserve to have nice things happen to your penis. That's why.
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
Randomize
