He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
I guess she didn't feel like it. There was hair all over it and everything
Fact: Godrick looks like David Archuleta
Now that the olympics are over we have no excuse for getting belligerently drunk for nationalism every night.
woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
EW EW EW EW THAT PENIS BELONGS TO SOMEONE'S FATHER! THAT PENIS BELONGS TO OUR FRIEND'S FATHER! THAT PENIS HELPED CREATE OUR FRIEND! YOU'RE NOT ALLOWED TO ADMIRE IT!
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
so the photographer said "let's get a picture of the cousins" so we posed together, and then he said " lets get a picture of the couples" So we posed together.
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
At least I will not still be rolling when I pick up this animal. Thats a good development in five years
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
After seeing all of the pics during the trial, all I could think was "her vagina doesn't look THAT dangerous"
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
Randomize
