Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
would it be rude to tell a homeless man that he should sell the lebron jersey and brand new nikes he's wearing if he's really that hungry
It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
apparently i told her i wouldn't press charges if she brought me food.
Kegstand on crutches, you need to get on my level.
HE IS COURTING ME WITH CHINESE FOOD AND IT IS WORKING.
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
Last time i was there we saw the window of the pizza place we were at get busted, we were pulled out of a taxi to be questioned by the cops, and we peed outside a waffle house. I'm in.
her vagina just converted me to Judaism.
That super awesome moment when the guy who threw up in your bed last night crawls into your roommate's bed the next morning...Naked...She was in it.
She just asked to come over. She's either going to bring one of her dads guns and kill me or we're going to end up having insane lesbian sex.
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
We ended up on their roof with our pants around our ankles shotgunning beers at one point.
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
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