can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
look what he's done to me, i actually want to be a stripper now.
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
today's the one month anniversary of me not giving anyone head. can you tell me you're proud
it's sad that this is a milestone
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
Does she usually listen to trance and cut up broccoli when she's high?
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
I just heard my parents fuck. What. The. Fuck. My rooms right under theirs.. My dad barely even lasted a minute. Im almost ashamed..
So if I tell her fire is hot and it will burn her... she's probably just going to keep throwing her vagina at it huh?
I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
Just spent the morning washing Bailey's and Guiness out of my clothes -_-
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
Randomize
