I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
She was doing lines off of her friends boobs in the limo at 9 oclock on a thursday This has the potential to be the best weekend ever
it's gotten to the point where there are no existing good choices. even our good choices are bad choice by anyone's standards but ours.
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
I just made SCOTCHSICLES. no further info is necessary
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
I am one with the molecules
I am sitting in my lingerie, eating frozen cookie dough out of a bowl, and watching family. My hump day is going great
I'm a shining star this evening. Dancing with a cane in rite aid now. I should be kept under survaillance.
If it's any consolation she turned out to be has a collection of clown dolls she talks to crazy. And the cops knew why I was calling when she key locked the door from inside.
Randomize
