i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
I forgot how few teeth there are in this state...
omg theres cum all over the american flag and now its up in front of his house.
Just because we buy weed together doesn't mean were a couple
She is putting glow sticks from her bedroom to the bathroom. She is calling it 'Being prepared'. God help us all tonight...
hey, this is the ginger girl from the party...i've thought about it and I wanna join the american girl drinking team
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
She who has the vag holds all the power. He will learn one way or the other.
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
Found out the cop gives spectacular head. Don't ask. We're going out to dinner Saturday.
I'm seriously considering starting a savings account so I'll have bail money this summer.
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
Randomize