I couldn't deal, she's a vegetarian. Every woman should like a little meat in their mouths.
Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
I'm pretty sure that every show on ABC Family could be turned into a drinking game.
Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
creepy tank top guy is at campus health. he's hitting on a girl recovering from a panic attack.
I hope this adventure ends at a hospital
going to a night class in lingerie so i can quickly go to his house after.
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
Seeing my ex post concert Snapchat videos as an Instagram really reinforces that I made the right choice...
OMG I DIDNT READ THAT TEXT CAREFULLY CAUSE I'M ON THE DEVILS LETTUCE & I THREATENED TO PUNCH A CHILD OMG I'M SO SORRY
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
Apparently during my blackout I walked over to Troy, grabbed my crotch, and said “Eat Fresh” while his GF was with him. FML
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