We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
Hahahaha do you think bella ever gave edward head?
I drank myself into bisexuality again.
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
By the third Id pass back i figured the bouncer had fucked one of us.
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
i'm sad to say... seems like women around here set up their armageddon booty calls ahead of time. wanna fill all these condoms with tequila and head downtown???
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
Like we just had a bunch of sex and then he threaded my eyebrows in bed lol. It was amazing
I got titty fucked last night and you're breastfeeding your newborn. Clearly we have gone two totally different paths since 2011.
I ain't lettin her quit anyway. We don't fuck enough for her to meet the housewife requirements
Like he's moved to LinkedIn creeping on me since he's blocked everywhere else & I'm just so confused does he think I'm going to post daily updates of my life on FUCKING LINKEDIN
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
Randomize
