i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
from all the glitter we used it actually looked like a disco stick
True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
He said if I stayed the night he'd take me to church in the morning.
Very nice. It looks like a Fisher-Price My First Dildo, but still very nice.
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
This reunion sucks. All the confident hot girls from high school are still confident and hot, and none of the fat girls with low self esteem transformed into hot girls with low self esteem.
I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
I'm pretty sure "tag teaming" and "looking for stability" are not synonymous.
Not yet.
Good morning love! Friendly reminder that we decided to make leggings with a vagina zipper. "For the winter quickie"
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
I really wanna treat my body good. Because i plan on doing drugs
I informed him that we had less than 5 minutes left to live, and his first words were "I'm trying to think of a good They Might Be Giants quip"
Randomize
