I boned her and wore a Freddy mask once. It was pretty lol
Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
I need to make a 'no kissing' rule for my casual hookups during cold season...this cold is so not worth it.
you know who we are? We're the female white stoner version of Kenan and Kel.
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
I feel like getting drunk at the airport is sort of a rite of passage into adulthood, but maybe i should reserve that occasion for a flight thats not just 1 hr
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
Yo whoever left a thong on the dining room table, first of all get help second of all please remove it now
He showed up completely drunk with a 30 of PBR and ten cans of Spam. I like this kid.
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