She woke up 3 seperate times, each time she had a look of pure terror on her face, she had no clue where she was.
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
I'd really appreciate it if we could dress up as pilgrims and indians for the thanksgiving eve bar crawl
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
Smoked a joint and chugged some pepto. Feeling a lil better... Not sure which is working..... Gonna keep doing both.....
OK am i seriously the only one who thinks Cocaine Tuesdays is a bad idea?
Eating nacho cheese off the carpet. How is your morning?
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
she broke up with me the week she got divorced. maybe I should grab a beer with her ex
I set up her keyboard so that no matter what she does, it will open up RedTube. Click and command Q all you like, its going to porn. No I play the waiting game
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
And he came all over himself. At least he didn't ruin my new lulus.
Actually though that could've been bad.
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
My professor is wearing skinny jeans, orange socks and just said penetration. I don't know what to think
Randomize
