Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
i should teach a seminar on how to fall off the wagon
I think i blacked out...but i remember licking your teeth
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
He pointed at some girls and said "I'm gonna have sex with them girls over there", and disappeared.
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
I got really upset about missing him last night when I was demonstrating penis sizes of the people I've slept with using a tape measurer to my roommates
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
Don't judge me 👊🏼 his dick just whispers my name
I woke up with my my shoes on and pants half way off and missing 60 dollars. Please please please tell me you saw me last night.
Is it good porn? Or is it more of that fucked up Cabbage Patch Doll porn you made us watch
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