I wonder if they've ever made a porno about the song "she'll be comin' round the mountain when she comes"
I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
Romantic bubble bath turned into splash war. We can't be adults about anything.
I feel choking has become trendy-- ita losing its effect. I may just have to go back to missionary to spice it up
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
It's not really the holidays until I raid the medicine cabinet. Happy hydrocodone to me
And a merry methadone to all
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
multiple people will be seeing my nips tonight. not mad about it at all
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.
It's only 9 and these two girls are already walking around Walmart barefoot and holding their heels. WE NEED TO STEP IT UP.
I have only made 3 good decisions in my life and getting really stoned reenacting the Lion King with my cat in a lion mane hat is 2 of them.
I'm so high I have morphed into the monopoly man. Or maybe the Pringles guy. I don't know but I have a mustach now
I just motorbotted some guy and my hair got stuck in his nipple ring...owww
Had to trim my nails cus they got too long to effectively finger myself with
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