My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
you want to go make fun of the strippers on try out night
i got kicked out last time for laughing
finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
it's like god just wants me to be high for five days in a row. keep the blizzards coming.
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
No she stopped screaming. Now she's eating popcorn. Off a plate. With a spoon.
We still going to Happy Hour
Idk. I can't because it doesn't fit in my schedule of sleeping or throwing up
3 things I learned last night: 1.) I'm not as light as I used to be. 2.) Sex on the roof of a convertible is a really bad idea. 3.) The hospital now has super glue pens for sealing minor cuts instead of stitches!
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
Her weave came out on the dance floor. She was twerking and shaking one minute and her hair flew across the dance floor the next. Great way to be introduced to the family
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
I don't blame you. I made YouTube videos of me singing Rent songs then slept with a married couple. Fucking tequila.
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
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