soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
He compliments me like a gay guy and fucks me like a starved nympho. I'm in love.
You are so lucky that drugs are going to kill you before I do.
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
I refuse to fuck a guy who needs a coozy for his beer. NOT EVEN IN DESPERATE TIMES LIKE THESE.
It's awesome, he has so much more free time now that he's not screwing other girls behind my back
So here's a brief summary of my weekend: last night I drank four glasses of Death Punch, grabbed the toaster, said "This is mine", put it in my pants and walked out the front door.
Only ESPN could find the two ugly girls from a school in Florida
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
I just ate part of my sock, this has got to stop.
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