he keeps calling me but I'm too scared to answer... Not sure what he's gonna yell at me for: barging into his room while he was with another girl, filling her shoes with dog food and water, or hiding his keys in the garbage disposal.....
my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
I haven't been "cry when you eat ben and jerrys" high in a while.
We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
I will turn myself into a beacon of get at me bro
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
Randomize
