why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
Well look at it this way, if he should happen to get into a terrible accident within the next 2 days, its okay.. i have his dental records on my ass cheek.
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
If I get aids I am starting a lawsuit against snapchat.
New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
At least I’m an “essential employee” and can still bang my boss. \n\nFingers crossed my husband doesn’t ask why I’m essential, the orgasms are too good to give up during this pandemic
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
Randomize
