FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
At the doctor. They're doing a flu test now. He was like "where do you think you got this?" I said "bachelor party. Strippers." he goes "okaaaay I'll put 'other'."
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
Why not. Its my b-day, you're in town, I'm in town, bars are in town, and alcohol is in town. I don't see anything not good about those things.
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
he was cumming and all I could think about was the pathway of sperm the in penis. thanks a lot nursing
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
They're basically the Kennedys. This is the family I fucked in to. I'm so proud of my vagina as much as it feels shitty for my heart.
Honestly, it's his loss. He went for the free sample when he could've gotten the whole package, babes.
does that make me the free sample at the grocery store he didn't like enough to buy...? yeah, that advice didn't help, but thanks.
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
Once he bit me I drew the fucking line.
I woke up and found that i was using my computer as a pillow. i had 53 pages of random letters on Microsoft word
Randomize
