If you are in NYC and not seeing anyone, you should come fucke me now because:1 i am not in love with you anymore, 2 i am drunk enough where i won't feel the n eed to kisx you awardly to avoid your beard, 3we have unfinished business that i wpn't get -assed unyil orgass have been had, 4 i really really want to
Dude, no matter how drunk you are, it's not okay to hug every other guy at a strip club. Mainly because boners are far too common.
yup, got lost on my way to the final. maybe i should have gone to this class all semester
she worked me into her spring break cardio plan. im mondays and wednesdays.
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
She helped me out of the car and i face planted into the snow.....and just stayed there and took like a 30 min nap.
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
can we drink soon
I'm not sure who this is but I'm free tomorrow night
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
Randomize
