so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
and on the fourth day, god made foam parties.
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
It's called the eyeliner-blowjob correlation, read a science book bro
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
Is "I am going to murder you if you keep sending me requests that I cannot fulfill" unprofesh?
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
Sooooo have your ex-girl console you over your ex ex girl that you destroyed said ex-girl over the possibility of
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
Last night’s booty call turned into a cuddlefest. Get your game face on, we’re hunting dick tonight
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