I'm telling everyone at work the mark on my neck is a hickey but really I was taking a shit while straightening my hair and burned myself
It was the first time I had seen his penis when it wasnt hard. It just looked so vulnerable and a little bit depressed.
But why is there no point in liking him? Does he have herpes? Is he married? Is he gay? Did he get his penis chopped off in a freak accident? If the answer is no to all of the above, then he is fair game
All I know is I woke up next to her beside the toilet
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
i looked at my phone and realized all i had said to her the entire night was misspelled variations of "NOTHING IS THE SAME" over and over. she eventually stopped replying.
Weirdly I'm doing ok, but I've tested positive for chlamydia, I wanted to let you know
Oh I love our desires, it's riding my bike at 2 AM with a massive erection that I dislike.
Nhl reached an agreement. I plan on getting me some celebratory sex from a hockey player.
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
It was a tough decision either lay in bed or go to work and lay in the stockroom
We were in the uber and you were crying because you wanted to be an Olympic gymnast. The driver tried to console you and you just cried harder
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
I am way to hungover for it to be Thursday.
Randomize
