Is there anything medically wrong with drinking beer from a vagina?
How did the beer even get there in the first place?
That's not what's important right now
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
His blow is so strong I threw up. Buy it. I'm in nursing school I know what I'm talking about.
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
Fucking her would be like seeing big foot, finding a four leaf clover , petting a unicorn, and arm wrestling a leprechaun in a matter of a 6 hour period
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
Do you think I'm short enough to dress up in a ghost costume and go trick or treating and have people believe that I'm actually a child?
Just delivered a pizza to a holiday inn and a delivery driver from Me n Ed's walked up at the same time, we both were going to the same floor so we stood in the elevator making small talk about delivery stuff, but a small part of me wanted to deck him, stand over him and shout,"FOR THE HUT MOTHERFUCKER, FOR THE HUT!"
Jesus christ, don't start a pizza delivery gang war.
It was a mess. I sat on the kitchen floor with maple whiskey and cried into a bowl of poutine. I've never even been to canada
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
I just want some dick and chicken fingers please advise
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
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