Dude I gave him a bj because he was upset about the NFL draft, if that doesn't lock it down, i don't know what does
Gross thing of the day...i got cum in my new boots
The meeting is at the same hotel we go to for sex. Avoiding eye contact with all the staff there.
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
Has anyone ever told you you're majestic like a sea turtle when you fuck?
And your cock privileges have been revoked.
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
She kept throwing quarters at him and yelling "Goooaaallll!!" whilst taking her clothes off one by one. I'd say she had a good night
wait can you just like go into detail with this penis touching thing? like was it a hand job or was it like a day at the petting zoo or something
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
Every FB picture she has looks like it's from the POV of the guy she's blowing
I can't believe that after 9 years of signing things as "BATMAN", the first place to turn it down was the liquor store down the block.
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
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