Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
I'm going to an arts college, I live next to the frat houses, and my room number is 420. god has plans for me and I couldn't be happier.
So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
NC is no longer selling 190 proof Everclear. We are officially no longer the greatest state.
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
Dude he fell into my wall and left an imprint then decided to have sex with the door open. Vents carry noise pretty well
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
Just wanted to say, I appreciate your bravery in having read receipts
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
I'm covered in bite marks and have a cracked rib - was a good weekend
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
Randomize
