Yep just saw a license plate that read "taint 2" which implies there is a "taint 1". Only in Florida
He doesn't make grammatical errors. Even while getting head.
yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
I'm not sure how exactly, but this funeral has turned into a ridiculous night of drinking games
now were playing what girl doesnt belong in the picture of girls in bikinis.
She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
After I'd been making out with her for a good 15 minutes some guy yelled "grab this chicks beer she needs both hands!" And he was right I did need both: god bless jello wrestling.
They're fucking on the bed next to me. I took adderall and smoked so there's no fucking help for me.
Just discovered evidence of drunken eBay bid. Drunk Mike did pretty good -- I'm getting a new sleeping bag.
I know I've become a responsible adult because this time, I'm not going to do the drugs I found on the ground
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary
idk he wanted to trade sex for a triple order of hashbrowns
AND YOU SAID NO?????????
Randomize