i told her parents not too worry the way i do it girls dont get pregnant
i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
sometimes i think what itd be like to be a firework
I JUST WANT TO WATCH PORN BUT THE CAT IS JUST SITTING HERE LICKING HIS BALLS. I CAN'T DO IT.
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
So take that alcohol. I still win. I ALWAYS WIN. Plus i didn't have to wear clothes. DOUBLE WIN.
Matt. This is the manager of qdoba. Pick up the phone. Your friend needs you.
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
You told the cop you where the star of the Track team and tried to run away. So yeah, i'm not surprised.
His last name was woodcox? That just screams I've got a great penis
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
When you wake up on the bus on 139th but you're staying at 6th
133 to go
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
I’ll call you in a minute. Trying to book an AirBnB so I can finally bang the yummy guy from yoga
Your downward dog is going to rock his cock. I’m jealous
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