So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
I did nothing besides stay sober all night, I walked home to find max naked knocking cups off the counter with his cock lol
Guess who just screamed "Everything happens for a reason!!" in the abortion clinic. This girl.
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
I never thought my selfie stick would come in handy for nudes.
I just watched some kid bang his girlfriend and I was like whatever I'll just sit here and do all your fucking drugs that's fine
Thinking about licking your asshole. And hugs and stuff too I guess.
I don't want his dick, I want his flame thrower!!
He ate me out while I finished season 1 of Stranger Things. If that's not a modern day relationship goal, then I don't know what is.
Would you by any chance know if there is a proper protocol for traveling with one's vibrator? I wouldn't want the TSA to rip open my suitcase in front of my boss.
Randomize
