she was hot for a redneck and i dont look at teeth
I'm watching Intervention to get pumped up for tonight
Kinda wish I banged him. I need the exercise.
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
He came when he saw that my nipples were pieced
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
I tried to twerk on a barn in 3 inch heels at a party last night and nose dived into mud. These were all new friends. I'm probably not allowed back. Cool.
so hungover. idk whos house or comp im on
Maybe for you. You don't have to clean the melted butter off the stove. I LOST THE SPECIAL SEASONINGS.
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
I’d clean the kitchen before making food. Mark “rang in the New Year” with some rando in there last night
Randomize
