EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
she's got that wholesome 16 and pregnant look.
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
THEY ARE MY AGE. THEY ARE YOUR LITTLE SISTER'S AGE THIS IS A DELICATE MATTER. CAPS LOCK
she's living proof man. somebody has literally pissed in the gene pool
I just really need to get the matching flask to go with my pill box. Is this another step towards rock bottom?
I don't remember anything that happened last night past 10.. I made him buy me a Buckeye's Donut tshirt. I have no idea why he'd want to fuck me after that.
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
Life Lesson #1 of 2013: double-fisting shower beers and shaving my bikini line should be reserved for two different showers.
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
I'm basically your average "grandpa stuck in a 28 year old woman's body" - i'm super passionate about retirement and crossing on the walk signal.
and SLEEP god I love sleep
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
I don't work there anymore. If they had Prince themed dildo parties i never would have quit
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
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