everytime he calls himself the maxipad master i can't help but wonder what costume that would involve.
i just got arrested. apparently dont move means dont move.
its easy. just sleep with a bunch of guys until one falls in love
so, my congressman just called me to say he has office hours this week if i'm still interested in talking to him. i pray to god this is not related to Friday.
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
is it bad that I didn't wash the cum out of my hair because it keeps my curls intact?
Im rolling a blunt of encouragement for you to return to
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
Sometimes turtles just really trip me out man
he's like a horny 3rd grader on cocaine. he needs a leash
he really is such a sweet guy. it’s a shame i have to break his heart.
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
You're not gonna like every guy whose dick I put in my mouth
It's routine now. He comes home from work and i ride him like a cowgirl with only a few sips of wine. I love being his neighbor.
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
Randomize
