Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
the nicest thing hes ever said to me is give me head.......please
well, if it gives you any insight into how crazy it was, i am currently wikipediaing "anullment"
Just saw actual Chinese people doing a Chinese firedrill. Good day.
Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
I just got while a charlie horse while orgasming...most confusing feeling ever...
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
It wasn't until I lost my earring that I realized "I've been here before". Turns out we fucked a year ago. We've decided to make it a tradition.
just saw two eagle scouts making out in chic-fil-a
Wow i just puked in front of the lady that was drug testing me. I passed though!
I was so high I kept trying to flush the toilet with the light switch
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