I have to decide between the hot young blond with no apparent gag reflex, and the brunette with a great ass and a trust fund.
Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
I thought if I stared at him long enough he'd walk me to my car. but he didn't. he dddidn't. i rreally thought i had those powers.
he said he doesnt sext because the government can tap that kind of shit too. no boobie pics for him.
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
We christened the whole apartment and fucked on the balcony. It was amazing. I'm 100% sure downtown heard me climax. Now we can unpack.
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
I may be a complete scumbag but even im not willing to spend a grand and sit on a plane for 24 hours just for shrooms and a blowjob
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
Some days, I wish I could get a hug from a furry muppet
dude, i told you to rally, so you sprinted upstairs, knocked some girl down, and without missing a beat said, "not now bitch, im in the fucking zone" and took off
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
Intelligence report: the hot sister called you gross, the sweet sister says you're dumb, and the smart sister says all the other men she knows would have to die for her to hook up with you.
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