omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
we've reached the level in our friendship where i don't think he would rape me
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
Im in the STD packet for new students this year. And im going to be plastered tonight so be forewarned
he spent an hour trying to convince us that Ted Nugent is Kid Rock from the future. by the end of it i was very close to believing him.
Anal and Aoki tickets...I'd say I give pretty good Valentines Day gifts.
My dad just asked Siri to "help me find my daughters dignity."
If you were my daughter, I'd do the same thing.
It's times like this I miss having my nipples pinched
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
OH BABY IM HERE AND IN A BLANKET FORT
COME TO THE BLANKET FORT
I would just like to say that I was the one who said that we should find scissors, when they were cutting your hair with a kitchen knife. I am responsible.
I still feel bad for it, even though I technically only videotaped it and helped will to distract the questioning neighbor
I'm intrigued by how his mouth tasted the same as his dick.
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
Randomize
