but what if he tries to talk dirty to me with the lisp?
well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
at 6am he came into my room and kicked me in the stomach. when i finally got up he was passed out in my hallway and the bathtub water was running
Hmd? did you really just created an abbrievation for hold my dick?
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
don't worry about it. We passed around the "get jeff bail" can 10 min. After you left. We currently have around $400. May I say that people here at the dorms really love you.
You were telling me last night 101 proof was nothing and you needed 400 proof or better yet military or marine proof, because you're marine grade.... You rascal.
I'm puking in a turkey pan....
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
I am sure I don't wanna know but I have to ask... Why is there a kiddie pool full of jello in the living room?
"He didn't answer my snap so I know he's arrested"
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
Can you please bring the nipple sombrero up?
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