His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
the boy next to me on the plane handed me a shot glass, then a perkaset, and told me to have a good week off..hellllo spring break.
did you know that snuggie is the perfect anti-freak out aid for stoners? it weighs you down so you can't go anywhere. just sit there and enjoy the movie, that's right.
I'm not saying going to the volleyball games drunk on Tuesday night was a bad idea I'm just saying we shouldn't make a routine of it.
I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
Just called a girl a cunt over peanuts. I think we both know it wasn't just about the peanuts.
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
"what's it like being a dancer turned stoner" well, i can change the netflix using my feet mid bongrip, so there's that.
It will be too late. I will have fornicated with the enemy by then.
If you keep giving me that glorious dick ill bake you some cookies
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
My manager gave me an envelope with money in it before he had vacation, and when I asked what it was for, he said it will be his bail money.
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