god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
I love being Chipotle's first beer sale of the morning.
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
Watching elf, eating a tub of ice cream, and coming to terms with the fact that I haven't had sex in 5 months. Happy fucking holidays.
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
Dude. I've never been with a guy who just wanted to go down on me all the time including while I'm shooting zombies on call of duty. My life is complete.
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
Bjs and tacos. That's my life.
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
He screamed, "Let there be light!" when he came
im pretty sure i tried to use axe body spray to cover up the strong urine smell coming from my jeans. im also pretty sure that it didnt work.
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