So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
You want anything?
Gatorade and you naked.
Today I left one job interview, showed up randomly at his house for a midday bootycall then left right after to attend my second job interview. I got both jobs
I did the walk of shame in nothing but a sleeping bag and now I'm on my way to pick up plan B. Let's not make a habit of this.
Sounds like a good New Years
There must be a happy medium universe where you get it on with my girlfriend enough to cause me pain but not a full on cardiac arrest. It's a fine line to tread though.
I worked all year for this tax return. I deserve to get my nipples pierced.
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
So, were you planning on telling me you left your panties in my glovebox??
She made kool-aid with tequila instead of water and rolled a blunt about the size of an Oscar Mayer hot dog. Best blind date I've ever had. I think I will love her tell my dieing day!
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