I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
Birthday Coupon: This text is good for alteast 3 hours of Birthday Sex. Redeamable any time, anywhere, and any style.
He's got a pretty small dick but he's a total sweetheart. I'm gonna buy a new dildo and just deal with it.
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
Just so everyone's clear, it was already on fire when I got there.
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
BRING THE BAGELS
she was puking nonstop out of the car window in the rain during our hour long drive back, we got lot of honks
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
I'M TRYING. TO WATCH. PORN. PLS HAVE UR IMPORTANT DISCUSSIONS ELSEWHERE FUCKERS
Did you smoke and go to the aquarium again?
Randomize
