Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
i feel like the 7 eleven by your house knows our deepest, darkest secrets
I do wanna see you. And we can just lay here and watch a movie and listen to me cry.
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
Can you come pick me up and take me to breakfast then the police station?
Where's your car?
The girl I brought home apparently stole it
Thank you for the legal advice. I hope I can pay you in blow jobs.
"This must be what Jayden Smith feels like all the time"
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
you know you're a stoner girl when you get a callus from your grinder
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
sex on acid sucks though, i want to connect with the universe not your dick.
Sex to movie scores is my best choice of the year. You've had an orgasm but have you had an orgasm with an entire orchestra.
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
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