Puking green right now......... jaimison mcflurry very bad idea
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
Chef at hibachi place learned it was my bday and sprayed 20 second count worth of saki in my mouth. Not sure it was the right image to share with my kids, but thought you'd be proud.
I literally put my pussy on his sideburns, it was awkward
There's a lil minaj in everyone
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
You can't be friends with my side piece. Conflict of interest.
Who gives a hand job to a 19 yr old one night then the next lets a 31 year old random man fly a plane to town and pick u up and take u to dinner?
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
you never know what sharing a kayak could lead to
It's true
I opened the door and his girlfriend was standing there; we made silent, prolonged eye contact as I quietly put on my panties and left.
Don't send me heart emojis when you're jacking off.
Update: day 5 and Scott has not left the apartment. Still smoking. Pizza roll supply dwindling.
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
She stood up through my sunroof the entire drive home. screaming her ass off and singing free falling..
Randomize
