you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid.
No, he grudge fucked my ex so I wouldn't be tempted to get back with her. He is either the worst or best friend ever.
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
Your penis chewing exercise is not working
He pointed at some girls and said "I'm gonna have sex with them girls over there", and disappeared.
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
you were screaming "I don't need a shirt!" repeatedly while in the process of taking it off and flashing the bouncer. we got kicked out. thanks a lot.
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
EMERGENCY SUBJECT CHANGE. SHE DOESN'T KNOW.
You and I both know it takes more than prescription narcotics to keep our family down. See you around ten, brother.
If it's any consolation she turned out to be has a collection of clown dolls she talks to crazy. And the cops knew why I was calling when she key locked the door from inside.
Randomize
