so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
Standing in line for a prescreening of Alice in Wonderland - guy just passed out cold in front of us - first drug overdose of the Alice in Wonderland phenomenon witnessed.
Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
Just learned how to deliver a baby.the things i saw tonight can never be unseen
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
Tell me you didn't really piss in the hookah.
Dont care what i do tnt just as long as i get to chug a beer in somebodys face
Second time this week margarita night turned homoerotic
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
The impact your presence has on my vagina without even putting your hands on me is quite astonishing, impressive and a little disturbing.
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
I don't know if I'm dying or this is just a mild inconvenience
Randomize