totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
I truly don't know anything about sober relationships. Normally I would just drunkenly yell "sex?" in a guy's face. What do I do now? Be like, sooo uhhh, wanna do it? Awkward, and even worse, I will remember clearly just how awkward it was.
I had sex on an exercise ball. The inevitable has occurred.
I thought I walked in on an orgy of smurfs. Man I love shrooms
The Ex's are trying to talk to the GF. Game face bro.
Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
I was on the verge of being completely over him and then he went and made his Instagram not private... ITS LIKE HE KNEW
True strength comes from lack of pants
I'm just hitting the tip of the iceberg on accents for this trip...so basically my panties are done for.
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
If by whore you mean UPGRADE....then yes I am
Randomize
