my secret santa just gave me a pregency test
He's only a little bit crosseyed.
I think this is one situation where "a little bit" doesn't mean much.
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
Considering how much money I just spent on slutty lingerie, it is totally appropriate for me to be plucking my nipple hair right now. Right?
if girls can go out in miniskirts and reveal their thongs, I should be able to wear a sheer dress with boyshorts with the word love bedazzled on my ass.
This is why you're my favorite.
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
Dude she's from Moscow. I feel like I'm cheating on America.
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
No I did a yoga dvd and hit my ex up via email for some pot in exchange for his mail.
Officially spring today. First sighting of loud-ass Steller Jay on the balcony.
i just ran butt naked down the hall and someone highfived me. i love college.
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
Randomize
