Don't come here someone got drunk and rolled the keg to buger king. no more beeer
I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
Just to clear things up. I did not walk in on him jacking off to your facebook profile.
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
I'm at the perfect height to walk up to the corner of my mom's stove and rest my balls on it. Just thought you'd like to know they're warm.
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
I'm using toast as a chaser. If I wasn't already so fucked up this would be revolting.
He's tiny, but ripped. Like a stacked hobbit. He's going to pull our sexy, crime-fighting rickshaw.
Well shit I mean if you get a bunch of cashed up drunk lesbians together in a casino, it's bound to go south at some point
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
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