Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
it was like having sex with a tree stump
Thanks for not cleaning the drain like you were supposed to. I just vomited in the shower and I had to stand in it until I was done conditioning.
Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
Great News, you CAN smoke bowls with a magnifying glass
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
I wanna get freshman fucked up and do shady things on the last Friday of my youth.
Go for gold. Two birds with one vag.
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
are you putting in a lot of effort today like appearance wise
I am taking my rightful place as emperor of the undead appearance wise
I don'y know if I should feel accomplished or disgusted. I just ate a dozen cookies all to myself. I'm leaning more towards accomplished.
No, gay couples have the same problems straight ones do; I wish that we could go back to the days when he would shit with the door closed.
She pooped on me during a reverse cowgirl. And it wasn't a little bit either.
Randomize
