Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
I was surprised he admitted he couldnt keep up. We both knew but usually they dont come out and say it
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
in honor of breaking bad starting soon, i am now banging a walter white lookalike. viva heisenberg!
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
The only person I have to bring is crazy hospital guy
HE'S NOT INVITED!!!
apparently my buddy was fucking on our couch downstairs so i decided it was necessary to walk downstairs naked in a hockey mask.
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
You yelled This cop is arresting me for possession! Possession of MARIJUANA!!", everyone cheered, and you let him handcuff you and take you away.
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
I'm so pissed theres no male strip clubs around where we are staying I looked extensively
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
I saw that he had a tattoo of a map of New Jersey on his arm, so i slowed down to like 20mph and pushed him out of the car
Randomize
