I was in the bathroom and heard my brother scream "YOU FAIL!!!", and I swear to GOD, I thought my penis was yelling at me.
we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
i was thoroughly upset that he did not want to be my number 16, who passes that number up?
just to let you know, its not cheating if i cant feel my hands.
he was inside of, then got up said "we don't want you having a baby," grabbed his car keys and left. so now i'm just sitting on his bed, wondering if he's coming back.
I gave him head in my cape. On the kitchen floor. Watching a show about bacon.
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
well after pounding on the ceiling for 5 mins i just went up there to tell them to shut up.. 2 hours later i'm naked, high, lying on their kitchen floor. it escalated so quickly
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
2015 is a year for health and mental stability and alas we are not yet there so yolo
I just fell out of my doorway to go to class so if that doesn't describe how my night went idk what will
Pregnancy has ruined porn for me. I can't watch a hot chick get it on without being jealous of her perfectly waxed shit. I can't even see my shit.
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