He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
If I sleep with another Spanish guy it is officially renamed my senor year.
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
You need to fuck him. The man has his own Wikipedia.
I tried to find the bar, ended up at a car dealership. Then the alarms went off.
Well, our assistant supervisor caught us on the back stairs...he invited us on a double date with his fiance and him. I guess our job approves of the relationship?
A nap. You broke your hand napping in Vegas.
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
The comfort of this onesie is keeping me single
I feel a blackout coming on
Plz don't have me burst into your house saying you're late for re airport to rescue you from a fat girl again
That was 2 times
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