brad dismisses pussy with prejudice
He was crying to my sister about feeling like a bad person. Then he groped my breasts.
I would really like to get high with Bill Nye. I'm being dead serious. Every step I take is literally a step I take because it will take me closer to Science Guy high.
We could get him to build Inspector Gadget.
I didn't know you were high TOOOO!!!
just to let you know, its not cheating if i cant feel my hands.
Let's just say, at one point i got woken up at 4am by a naked guy who was offering me steak, in a cup.
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
The fact that he just came out makes his Lent commitment to give up gay sex so much more meaningful now.
All I remember is folk music and a lot of drugs. I am never going "on an adventure" with you again
I'm going to assume that "the army of generous folk dancers" is no longer a goal you are willing to fulfill
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
This is not a drill. I need a cape. And a tuxedo. Simultaneously. Repeat. NOT. A. DRILL....
She took me to ER. She says thought it was a squirtgun filled with vodka and she was 'marking me for later.' Thank god it's a flesh wound, and we're cool and going to date.
gtg, the cops are here
He’s over 6 feet has amazing posture and went to Harvard and has an awesome job and a great dick and loves Jesus and is an organ donor
Is this the guy you have listed as free food in your phone
Noooo he’s listed as free food #5
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
The covid immunization shot lady also sold me a mondo bag of really good pot.
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