i just google imaged poop.
I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
So this text is costing me two dollars because I'm out of the country, but I just wanted to let you know it went well with the stripper last night
Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
I just noticed she took the "toys" too. That's how you know when it's really over.
rumor has it I kept asking you to go to the "tall grass" with me...sorry about that.
You looked at my sister and yelled at her saying in a couple of years she will be yours
Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.
His friend still there? Be like "I need to see both of your dicks ASAP"
World Cup Drinking Game: Take a shot every time they call a foul for something we don't understand. Gotta risk it to get the biscuit.
I yelled at the cab driver to slow down because my unborn children live here, and pointed to my uterus. I think my message was lost in translation though because he immediately offered me his card...
Am I getting cock blocked by karaoke? That's a first.
Only in the emergency room do they shut the door when youre laughing too hard
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
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