How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
Wait, just ask him if can you can join in. You haven't lived until you've taken part in a threesome with your father...or so I've heard
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
I'm drinking coffee out of a pasta sauce jar and eating fruit soaked in Smirnoff. I think I've hit rock bottom.
"This must be what Jayden Smith feels like all the time"
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
Going to give your dick a friendship bracelet.
i have paint on my face i'm missing my earrings, there's a bag of rice in my room, and i have a purse full of monopoly pieces
You are hungover. Your arguments are irrational an incoherent. We only played twice. Have some Gatorade and take a knee.
You’ll lick BBQ off my cock but no ketchup on a hotdog?
Randomize
