How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
I took my pants off in the cab and tried to bite his ear. Not going oout for awhile
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
You turned byob into bring your own shit show. Good work.
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
He turned down head in favor of a handjob. Not sure if he's crazy or i have magic hands
Haha. I have resting bitch face. He has I want y'all to die face. It's a subtle difference
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
I just walked across town, stoned off my ass and barefoot in 35 degree weather for him to bust five mins in and then apologize 13 times as I got dressed.
Randomize
