Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
I'm starting a business if you want to get involved
oh boy
Its called Cut N Tugs, haircuts with happy endings
We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
You'd be proud! I didn't lose my id this time... It got confiscated
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
Judging by his bulge. This guy is going home with me. Who doesn't want a dick that looks like it used to be a pillar in Rome.
I can't even spell what he said he was on. And I had to call 4 people before someone had heard of it.
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
dude. i woke up on a random lawn wearing only my boxers, with all my clothes hung in the branches of a nearby tree... no more shrooms
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
I peed in my closet, which at the time looked like a sparkly bathroom...
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