i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
All I remember is having a LONG talk with a 23 year old mother with a 5 year old kid at a bar who told me "it's not that bad"
Human Centipede: The Drinking Game. This is non-negotiable. First one to pass out the rest of us get to FEEEEED THEM!
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
I seriously just drove by a man walking down the street wearing hospital scrubs, an 80s track jacket, gold necklace and carrying a flute.
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
we dropped acid in chinatown. worst. idea. ever. too many colors. and nobody has any idea where steve is.
Well. At least he's a gentleman. A gentleman satanist.
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
I was so high. I had so much hair. It was like all my hair follicles exploded.
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
We peed on a building I think...like a building in downtown...not out of view of anyone.
we found her. shes in the bathtub full of raw pasta. i dont even know...
I ACCIDENTALLY MURDERED MY COUSIN
HOW DO YOU ACCIDENTALLY MURDER YOUR COUSIN
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