I don't want to talk about it. He was like the Little Engine that couldn't get me off.
Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
No, I'm not okay. Girls are wearing BUMPITS here.
I'm practically paying him in tacos to have sex with me.
New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us.
I have their Unicorn picture in my shirt, and I just threw a Bud Light Platinum bottle through their window. We need to go now.
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
Just had to hide the fact that I'm not wearing underwear from my 7 year old niece.
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
I'm alittle affraid you might be dead, seeing how your work party is in an hour and you haven't answered me? I mean I'm picturing you 1. Passed out in your car covered in fries or 2. On a boat in a box to Mexico covered in coke. Please let it be number 1. And aren't we going to your work party?
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
Don't worry, I'm taking the best gay radar in the World, my sister's boobs. All guy who is not looking at them, it's fair play for us.
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